I was 42 when I believed that my dreams, my plans were finally coming true. I was in touch, tuned and true to lessons learned, secrets shared, and my promising path.
Then something major happened.
I respond well to signs, signals and symbols – the words on a billboard that seem to be answering the question floating in my head, the song on the radio that lyrically reminds me “think differently, feel differently”, the open page in a book that darts straight to the heart of my current issue.
A billboard that said “You don’t have all the time in the world…plan your vacation today!” might have worked, might have caused me to reconsider my manic schedule and ask where trust and peace of mind were hiding in my day in day out push.
No song. No page. Empty billboard. I landed in the ER where the physician simply said to my husband: “We operate or she dies”.
We like to figure out “why” things happen, put it in a box, wrap it up and label it: “This Is The Reason”. Figuring is fun and feels intelligent. Solving the puzzle, revealing the pattern and landing at an understanding is a satisfying pop of dopamine. Aha! My beliefs are confirmed! Complete!
On the surface there are always sensible physical and psychological reasons. In my case, the physical was great sex at the wrong time resulting in an ectopic pregnancy. The psychological might have been the death of my beloved friend and mentor the month before.
I couldn’t say this NDE (near death experience) happened in my life because of xyz period. It was a moment in time when I came face to face with a feeling that would alter my perception, perspective and presence. It was the feeling that all my wonderful busyness was a just a split second of nothing, yes that’s right 42 years were all just a split second of nothing. All I could say was – next time that moment arrives for real I really don’t want to feel that way. It was time to forage for new feelings.
Foraging and figuring things out is a thrill.
Feeling is genius and always incomplete.
The tagline for BRIGHTERSTEP doesn’t end with “Do What Matters”, it continues “Do What Matters Most to the Best in You”. And that, babe, is most certainly a FEELING worth foraging for.
“In spring, hundreds of flowers; in autumn, a harvest moon;
In the summer, a refreshing breeze; in winter snow will accompany you.
If useless things do not hang in your mind,
Any season is a good season for you.”